


For Dear Life

by LedgerLines



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt, not really slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:45:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LedgerLines/pseuds/LedgerLines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a rough appearance from The Other Guy Bruce has done some thinking and has put a plan into motion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Dear Life

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by ontinetine from Tumblr. They gave me: "Bruce and Tony. Someone has a gun, and a choice needs to be made."

Bruce sat on the rooftop, legs dangling off the edge of the building. He contemplated the humor behind the weightless feeling overtaking his body. Knowing that a slight shift of balance would send him down, down, down, was oddly comforting. 

Less comforting was knowing that the surge of adrenaline would bring out The Other Guy. Just today Tony had pushed him a little too far. They had almost ended the day with a funeral; it had been so close. Too close. The lab was destroyed, weeks of research had to be re-started. They needed their physical evidence after all. 

But Tony could do that alone, he had all of Bruce's notes and could make considerable progress from there, Tony was the genius after all. The only problem Bruce could now foresee was his serum not working. The scientist had worked in secret for months now creating a sort of 'heroin on steroids'. He had combined different tranquilizers and maybe a little bit of actual heroin in such a way that he figured he could calm the other guy down long enough to put himself down. 

Bruce was, however, certain the drug would work and had left notes for everyone so that they wouldn't worry. They'd find them in the morning. S.H.I.E.L.D would be tracking him as they always were so his body would be found. But tonight, before he left, Bruce took a moment to just think. 

His thoughts, in an act of self-preservation no doubt, went back to when he joined the Avengers. As a scientist. Long before Tony and Steve kept insisting he use his 'powers' for good. Before Clint and Natasha had been on Bruce's side fighting to keep the Hulk inside of him, where he was controllable... well moderately so anyways. 

Bruce's hand brushed the gun in his pocket, caressing the cold metal of his last friend. His mind wandered further back to the last time he'd seen Betty. The woman who had been so close to becoming Betty Banner, if not for fate. For a moment Bruce took a walk down the road that would have been. He saw himself and Betty, married with children. The Hulk hadn't surfaced in years and Bruce was truly happy. The would have been turned dark with flashes of his transformation in to the man his own father had been. Turning into his father would have probably been inevitable so maybe a family was better left to someone more capable. A family would have been a bad decision. It would have led to even more heartache. 

Even memories hurt too much right now, Bruce took out the syringe of tranq he'd prepared and found a vein in his Ante-Cubital Fossa. The drug felt like sweet nothing when it hit his veins. Limbs light as a feather caused Bruce to grip the ledge of the building for safety, but he found his fingers wouldn't tighten around the concrete. Had his mind been able to form words they may have been something along the lines of 'wow this is really working', but from Bruce's point of view all he could do was let blurred pictures flow through his mind. Watercolours of Betty and his mother, Steve, Thor, Natasha and Clint, and most of all Tony. He'd never been able to tell Tony but Bruce had loved him. Nearly as much as he'd loved Betty. When Bruce was around Tony he felt warm and almost at peace. Tony had this way of making Bruce feel like he was truly home that had never been anywhere else or with anyone else. Tony was safe, warm, happy, a little tortured, but still so perfect to Bruce. Had Tony felt the same Bruce could have loved him even more fiercely. Maybe that would've been enough to stick around. Even thinking about the other scientist now was almost enough to keep him grounded. 

But then Bruce began to remember, and remember far too well. The agony of adrenaline coursing through his veins as he transformed in to a monster. The monster. Losing his strength and control as the other guy took over Bruce's body while all he could do was watch in horror. Cranberry red stained the memories and Bruce felt his mind slipping further and further into the recess of his past. Fists colliding with buildings, anger where pain should have been. A tangible physical rage that only the Hulk could bring forth. The hatred that propelled the beast's actions was one for his father. The man who'd made Bruce feel so very small. The man who'd killed the only one that had treasured young Bruce. The savage who'd brutally ended his mother's life, leaving Bruce empty and alone. 

A burning hand on his chilled wrist interrupted Bruce's thoughts. “Brucie, what are you doing?” Tony only used that name when Bruce needed calming. It was usually after a transformation. He tried snatching his hand away, but the other man's strength was too much for him in this state. The Hulk's consciousness thudded dully in the back of his mind, but then settled. 

Bruce didn't even remember consciously grabbing the gun Tony was now tearing away from his temple. He looked up at his friend and saw his eyes pooling with tears, or was that Bruce's own eyes misting over. He didn't know, he couldn't tell. 

He clawed his way through cotton balls of sedative to murmur, “Ending this Tony. I want this to be over. I am so tired.” He felt his eyelids droop and knew he needed the gun back from the other man, and soon or else all hope at peace was lost. 

“Nah Bruce, you're just tired right now. It'll pass and you'll feel better, you'll see.” 

Bruce took all of the energy he could muster to lift an arm and reach for the gun, “No, Tony. Do you know how long I've waited? I've been alive for 30... 40... god damnit I can't remember.” He felt as though he were shouting but in reality Tony was straining to hear his muffled protests. “Bruce is,” he shook his head weakly, “I am, so so tired. People,” a pause while Bruce tried not to get too upset, “People were almost very dead today. Very dead.” his voice faded with his vision but Banner fought to remain conscious. “The Hulk must die Ton. You don geddit.” 

Tony watched in horror as his friend's speech began to slur, what had Bruce done to himself? What was this doing to Tony? “The Hulk? I don't give a shit about the Hulk man, I care about you. The one here with me right now.” Tony had removed Bruce from the ledge and was now holding him, propped up against the concrete wall formed by Bruce's previous perch. He couldn't let the other man go, but he didn't want to watch this either. The one person Tony had really learned to trust. Even Pepper had left, but Bruce? Bruce was going to be the one who always stuck around, his right hand man, the guy who could never let him down, not even if he tried. “Bruce, why did you have a gun to your head? Tell me that.” 

“No, Ton I already told you.” the other man's face was dripping with rivers of regret and Tony could hardly look away. “I almost murdered someone earlier. One of our friends was nearly gone. All I can do fer this world anymore is die. Then there's one less bad guy to fight.” 

Bruce was hardly holding his own head up now. Tony could practically feel the shame and disgust coming from his best friend. He ran his fingers through Bruce's hair like his mom used to when he was sad, and thought. He thought about the times they'd already shared and how much he looked forward to the times he thought they would share together. Discovering things, helping people, all Tony had ever wanted to do in his life he could do with this man. This man who was slowly fading, who wanted to draw the curtains on his own existence. 

A shift in Bruce's body language caused Tony to shatter his thoughts and look down at the other scientist, “Ton, u gotta do it. If you don't someone's gon die.” Banner looked meaningfully at the gun and then back at Tony who was shaking his head. 

“There's no way buddy. I'm gonna take you to the lab and give you some adrenaline, some time to think. You're not in a good place to be making these kind of decisions right now and-” 

“But you are.” he fought the fog to convey his message clearly, “Ton, trust me. I've suffered enough I'm putting up the white flag. I'm done. I'm so so done. I'm tired and I'm dangerous. Please just let me be.” he knew it was his own tears this time because Tony's face was a blur of facial hair and big brown eyes. 

There was a battle within Tony that night, whether to save the world or save his friend. For an unknown period of time Tony fought with himself whether or not to go along with the other man's wishes. The danger of the Hulk had the rest of the team walking on shrapnel. Where they tiptoed Tony stomped, but how much more of that could The Other Guy really take? How many more times could he take over before Bruce was no more than a memory in the mind of a monster? If Earth needed saving The Avengers would do it, but fighting one of their own? Tony could see the effects of the serum, they had peaked now and Bruce's body would need a stronger dosage to sedate him the next time but Tony was unsure whether there would be a stronger dosage available. But could he really kill this man? What more could he let him live? If you love something let it go... Bruce was really so tired and he did deserve peace, hell he deserved every good thing in the world. But death? There are men who've done far more than Bruce who deserve death and there are men who've done less destruction than The Other Guy who deserve worse than he ever did.

Through a blanket of tears Bruce saw Tony put the gun to the rooftop and push it away, “No. Tony no, please.” 

“Bruce, I'm too selfish to let you go just yet.” Tony resumed running his hands through the other man's hair and thought he heard a nearly contented sigh from his tourtured friend. He hummed a song he half wished he'd forgotten. A lullaby his mom used to sing him when daddy was late in the lab. When Bruce finally let sleep come over him Tony knew they'd be alright. He knew that Bruce would be safe and that The Other Guy would live to destroy another day. But that bridge was better left until they had to cross it. If you love something let it go, but if you love someone, and they're worth fighting for hold on for dear life because there might not come another.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is good feedback just please be kind :)


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